Metal Schmear Creamy: Sons of Bagels
by BlackDelo
Summary: Final Chapter! What happens when a bagel lover goes nuts? This takes place in the same timeline as my first. Rated
1. Breakfast

Metal Schmear Creamy: Sons of Bagels  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. Konami does. San Jose Giants own Jhonny Carvajal (yes thats how he spells his name). Blah blah blah! I'm not making any money off of this so leave me alone!  
  
Chapter 1: Breakfast  
  
Opening scene. A bagel pops out of the toaster. Schmear is being spread onto it.  
  
Snake: You really like those things don't you , Otacon?  
  
Otacon: Blame it on my Jewish heritage, I guess. They always go great with a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats.  
  
Snake: I'll stick with bread n' butter. That and a big ass cup of coffee always get me going. Hey, where's Raiden this morning?  
  
Otacon: He's out in the garage sharpening and shining his blades. Sales have been doing pretty well. For some reason cutlery sells well here on the east side.  
  
Snake: Why is that?  
  
Otacon: Who knows? As long as it brings in the money. Anyhow, did Meryl leave for work already?  
  
Snake: Yup. She loves selling that combat gear.  
  
The four of them all lived in a ghetto house on the east side. They had to in order to save money. You can't be a poor ass mofo and expect to take on the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo. Meryl still worked at the military surplus store over in Campbell. (Hmm......Campbell. How ironic.) Raiden was selling cutlery in the east side. Snake still had his dream job doing broadcast work for the San Jose Giants. Otacon got a programming job up in Redwood City working for Kon-something. Konama. Konamo. Whatever. He also did some contract hacking. Illegal, yes. But it's also jacked to curtail people's rights and control how much information they have. So, no one was complaing.  
  
Otacon: Who are the Giants playing tonite?  
  
Snake: Modesto  
  
Otacon: The A's? Looks to be a good game, eh?  
  
Snake: Yup. G-men looking for a series sweep. [scribbles some stats down] How about you? That company you work for produce any good games?  
  
Otacon: Nah. Just integrating some music into the new Dance Dance Revolution game.  
  
Snake: ANOTHER one of those stupid games?  
  
Otacon: It's actually kinda fun. You should try it.  
  
Snake: Hmph...with my luck I'll get addicted, waste our money on it, then Liquid will come back from the dead and challenge me to see who gets the highest score.  
  
They look at each other and laugh out loud.  
  
Snake: Yeah right and I'm a Chinese jet pilot!  
  
Snake looks at the clock.  
  
Snake: Hey you better get going, Otacon, otherwise you're gonna be late.  
  
Otacon: O geeze! [stuffs a bagel in his mouth] Schee fu later tomite Schnake! [runs out the front door]  
  
Snake sips some coffee. Scans his newspaper. doesn't notice an article about a recent string of bizarre bank robberies.  
  
Snake: Hmm...I should go see what Raiden is doing.  
  
Snake enters the garage quietly. he sees that Raiden is polishing a sword and talking on the phone.  
  
Raiden: Yes of course I know what next weekend is, Rose. How could I forget?......I'll be back in New York as soon as we get enough money.....No, I don't know when that'll be.....Soon, sweetie, soon. Sales have being doing pretty well. I'll talk to you later Rosemary.....I love you too. Buh-bye.  
  
Raiden hangs up the phone. he scrutinizes the sword he just shined.  
  
Raiden: Perfect. This one should bring in a lot.  
  
He notices Snake's reflection in the sword.  
  
Raiden: How long have you been standing there?  
  
Snake: Long enough, Loverboy.  
  
Raiden turns red.  
  
Snake: So that's how we give your skin some color.  
  
Raiden: Hmph!  
  
Snake: Relax. I'm just joking with you.  
  
Raiden: Yeah, yeah, I know.  
  
Snake: So, how's the cutlery business doing.  
  
Raiden: Pretty good. I got a new shipment yesterday. These things are selling like hotcakes.  
  
Snake: Good. I was never much up on knives and such.  
  
Raiden: Yeah. I get all sorts of people buying stuff. People wearing red, people wearing blue. In fact I got someone coming in this morning buying a whole set. Speaking of which, I should probably get going. I wouldn't want to be late on a big purchase.  
  
Snake: No, you wouldn't.  
  
Raiden put s each blade and knife in their sheaths and sets them in a duffel bag.  
  
Raiden: Well, I'll see you after the game tonite, Snake.  
  
Raiden heads out the side door of the garage with his blades in tow.  
  
Snake: [thinks to himself] Good kid. has a good head on his shoulders. Kinda reminds me of.....me!  
  
Snake goes back to reading the paper and taking stats. 


	2. Dancin' and Thuggin'

Chapter 2: Dancin' and Thuggin'  
  
Let us check in and see what everyone is doing. We start off in Redwood City. Otacon and Dan Greco, a dance music expert, are working on the new Dance Dance Revolution.  
  
Dan: Here's a good one. "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk.  
  
Otacon: Sounds good. Let's give it a listen.  
  
Dan fires up the stereo  
  
Otacon: Hey, this is pretty good. Nice bass.  
  
Otacon starts bobbing to the beat. Then all of sudden he starts break dancing.  
  
Dan: What the hell....  
  
Otacon: [waving gang signs] Gimmie sum phat beats and I will bust-a-move on anybody. Suckas better recognize!  
  
Dan gives him a weird look.  
  
Otacon: Whoa....Sorry about that. I don't know what came over me.  
  
Dan: Man, I haven't seen a Jew move like that since Ben Stein's New Year's Eve party.  
  
Meanwhile over in East San Jo....  
  
Raiden is counting the money from that big sale. he hums the MGS theme as he sorts the cash.  
  
Raiden: Hmm....I wonder how this tune popped into my head.  
  
All of a sudden a thug walks into the store. the thug starts waving a MAC-10 around.  
  
Thug: A'ight sucka, hand over the loot!  
  
Raiden: What loot?  
  
Thug: The loot in your hands!  
  
Raiden looks at the money in his hands.  
  
Raiden: Oh, you mean this loot?  
  
Thug: Yeah dickhead! That loot!  
  
Raiden: Mmm....No.  
  
Thug: Oh man, you dun fucked wit da wrong mofo today! Break yourself foo!  
  
The thug fires off a buncha shots. But Raiden quickly grabs his HF-Blade and ricchocets them away.  
  
Thug: What da fuck?! Man this is sum funky shit! Youse a crazy ass cracker!  
  
The thug runs from the store.  
  
Raiden: Mofo don't know jack about Jack. 


	3. Smooching, Surplus, and Baseball

Chapter 3: Smooching, Surplus, and Baseball  
  
Customer: Five bucks for and MRE?! You've got to be kidding me!  
  
There was a bit of an argument over at the surplus store.  
  
Meryl: Hey, if you don't like it, too bad! That's how much it costs.  
  
Customer: Well, how about I get them for free.  
  
Cusotmer pulls out a small .22  
  
Meryl: Is that it?  
  
She pulls out her .50 caliber Desert Eagle Action Express.  
  
Meryl: Bitch please!  
  
Customer: O shit man!  
  
Meryl puts a bullet in the sucka's arm.  
  
Meryl: Get out of my friggin' shop!  
  
The customer drags his sorry ass out of the store.  
  
Meryl: No respect. I get no respect at all.  
  
About 10 seconds later Snake walks in.  
  
Snake: I just saw some schmuck trudging away, holding his arm, bleeding all over the place. Would you care to explain?  
  
Meryl: Just some bastard acting stupid. Nothing I couldn't handle.  
  
Snake: Well, I'm glad that you're okay.  
  
Snake leans over the counter.  
  
Snake: So, how's my little cracker with tabasco sauce doing today?  
  
Meryl leans in toward him.  
  
Meryl: Besides that asshole I just dealt with, I'm fine. i'm even better since my scruffy-wuffy Davey-wavey is here  
  
They give each other a little smooch.  
  
Meryl: Hey, why are you over here?  
  
Snake: Well, I had a little time before the game so I decided to stop by and give you a little sumtin-sumtin.  
  
Snake places a white bag on the counter. A question mark appears above Meryl's head.  
  
Meryl: Now what do we got here?  
  
Meryl looks into the bag. the question mark is quickly replaced by an exclamation point.  
  
Meryl: Pan Dulce! I love Pan Dulce!  
  
She squeezes Snake and gives him a giant kiss.  
  
Meryl: Oh David, this is so nice of you!  
  
Snake: Anything for you my little Red Devil Propane Grill.  
  
Meryl: I got a little surprise for you too.  
  
Snake: O really?  
  
Meryl sets a piece of paper on the counter. The question mark pops up above Snake's head.  
  
Snake: Huh?  
  
He looks at the paper. Exclamation point!  
  
Snake: Boo-yah! A coupon for free pizza! Otacon won't have to make rice for the 54th time in a row.  
  
Meryl: Yup.  
  
Snake gives Meryl a big kiss.  
  
Snake: This is great! [looks at his watch] Hmm....I better get going. The game is gonna start in a couple of hours.  
  
He gives Meryl a little kiss good bye.  
  
Snake: I'll see you later tonite sweetie.  
  
Meryl: I'll save you some pizza.  
  
Snake: Thanks!  
  
Snake leaves and heads to the Stadium.  
  
4:00 p.m. Municipal Stadium. Snake walks up to the broadcast booth to start the pre-game stuff. A 5 o'clock start today. He'll be getting home early for once.  
  
Snake: David Sears here (What? Did you think he'd call himself Snake over the air?) and we have a great game for you today! The Giants, five games ahead of the division, are already looking to place their bid for a championship run. They're led by their sensational shortstop Jhonny Carvajal. Carvajal has a .306 average and already hit 11 home runs. All that and his unbelivable defensive prowess should make him a lock for California Leauge MVP. Jon Cannon starts today. He's 3-0 with a leauge low 1.50 ERA. He has 3 complete games.  
  
Later that night Snake err...David or whatever the hell you wanna call him, was finishing his broadcast.  
  
Snake: ....the final score 5-0. Giants win. This is David Sears signing off.  
  
Snake gets ready to leave.  
  
Snake: O goody gooody! I get to go home and have pizza!  
  
Voice: Not quite yet.  
  
Snake: [turns around] Who the hell are you?  
  
Who is this person that has infiltrated Snake's broadcast booth? Find out in our next installment! 


	4. The Job, Part I

Chapter 4: The Job, Part I  
  
Snake: Who the hell are you?  
  
Bill: William M. Landsdowne. Chief of Police for the SJPD.  
  
Snake: Well umm....nice to meet you Bill. What can I do for you?  
  
Bill: I need your help.  
  
Snake: I've heard that one before. Be more specific.  
  
Bill: Have you heard about the string of bank robberies lately?  
  
Snake: Can't say I have.  
  
Bill: Well, this one guy has been knocking off banks all over town.  
  
Snake: One guy?!  
  
Bill: Yeah. He leaves notes sometimes. He calls himself The Bagelmeister.  
  
Snake: The Bagelmeister? This dude sounds like he's nuts!  
  
Bill: That's the problem. I think he may be a tad bit looney. That's why I need you. I don't think these are your ordinary bank robberies.  
  
Snake: Why do you think that?  
  
Bill: Schmear.  
  
Snake: Schmear?  
  
Bill: Yes, schmear. Everytime this guy robs a bank he explodes a device. It's not just any device, though. When this thing explodes it explodes schmear. He gets cream cheese all over the place.  
  
Snake: So....this dude has a bad infatuation with bagels. So what?  
  
Bill: Read this. [Hand Snake a note]  
  
Snake: "Yellow lights make bagels die". Yellow lights?  
  
Bill: Yeah. All the street lights are yellow....  
  
Snake: Hmm....I've noticed that. Why do you have yellow lights in this city?  
  
Bill: Lick Observatory. If we had regular lights the observatory wouldn't be able to see the stars.  
  
Snake: I see. So, there is some nut running around knocking off banks. And he thinks bagels rot faster becasue of the yellow lights. And you want me to solve this thing and take care of this mofo before he does something drastic.  
  
Bill: Yup.  
  
Snake: I dunno. This sounds kinda weird.  
  
Bill: What do you want?  
  
Snake: How much would it cost to fix all the street lights if they got destroyed?  
  
Bill: A lot.  
  
Snake: I'll take $50,000 then.  
  
Bill: That's pretty steep. But it's a lot less than those lights.  
  
Snake: Good. I'll have to talk it over with my colleauges.  
  
Bill: Here. [hands him a card] Give me a call if you want the job.  
  
Will the gang accept this most dangerous, yet monetarily valuable, mission? Find out next time!  
  
(Yeah I know. It's short. Get over it!) 


	5. The Job, Part II

Chapter 5: The Job, Part II  
  
8:20 P.M. The ghetto house on the east side. Snake walks in through the front door.  
  
Snake: Hey everybody, I'm home!  
  
Meryl: Hello Honey. [gives him a kiss] How are you?  
  
Snake: I'm......pretty good.  
  
Otacon: You arrived at the perfect time. The pizza just got here.  
  
Raiden: Piping hot and unbelivably tasty. [takes a bite of pizza] That's the shiznit!  
  
Snake: Nifty!  
  
So they're all siting they're all siting there eating pizza and watching Sportscenter. After all it's April and that means hockey playoffs. Snake brings up the offer he got.  
  
Snake: We need money badly.  
  
Otacon: Stating the obvious.  
  
Snake: $50,000 would be nice, eh?  
  
Raiden: That would be awesome,  
  
Meryl: You're trying to tell us something, hon. What is it?  
  
Snake: I got an offer today from the Chief of Police. There's this nutz-o dude who calls himself The Bagelmeister. He's been knocking off banks, leaving cryptic notes, and setting off cream cheese bombs. Chief wants us to deal with it.  
  
Raiden: A PI job?  
  
Snake: Yeah. But this dude sounds like he's lost a couple of marbles. I think he may be [planning a lot more than cream cheese bombs.  
  
Otacon: Why is he doing this?  
  
Snake: He thinks the yellow lights in the city make bagels rot faster.  
  
Otacon: That's totally insane!  
  
Snake: Tell me something I don't know.  
  
Meryl: So, what are we going to do?  
  
Snake: That's what I wanted to talk about. Are you three willing to take the job?  
  
Raiden: I wanna get back to New York ASAP.  
  
Mery: The ghetto isn't as good as gangsters make it out to be.  
  
Otacon: No one knows bagels like me.  
  
Snake: Then it's settled.  
  
He goes to the phone to call the Chief.  
  
Snake: Chief, you got yourself a crew.  
  
The gang decides to take on The Bagelmeister. What devious plans does this nut have? 


	6. Who is The Bagelmeister

Chapter 6: Who Is The Bagelmeister?  
  
  
  
So the four decided to take the job. How will they go about it?  
  
  
  
Raiden: So what are we going to do to catch this mofo?  
  
Snake: We're gonna wait. We're gonna see if he leaves anymore notes. They might be clues to where The Bagelmeister is hiding out.  
  
A couple of days later Chief Landsdowne shows up.  
  
Snake: [opens the front door] Hello Chief.  
  
Bill: Hello. May I come in?  
  
Snake: Yeah, sure. Got another note?  
  
Bill: Two.  
  
Snake: What do they say?  
  
They walk into the living room.  
  
Bill: I don't know.  
  
Snake: What do you mean you don't know?  
  
Snake looks at the notes.  
  
Snake: Hmm.....numbers. Yo, Otacon.  
  
Otacon: Yeah Snake?  
  
Snake: Take a look at this. It looks like some kind of code.  
  
Otacon: [looks at the notes] Hmm.....cryptography.  
  
Snake: Cryptography? You mean like Tales from the Crypt?  
  
Otacon: No. I mean cryptography. Hiding a message in a code. You see this first one? This is the message. This second one is the decoding matrix.  
  
Bill: Matrix? You mean like the movie?  
  
Otacon: No! Not like the movie! This matrix is a group of numbers that will decode the message.  
  
Bill: Can you decode this thing?  
  
Otacon: Yeah, just gimmie a couple of minutes.  
  
Acouple of minutes later Otacon decodes the message.  
  
Otacon: I finished the message.  
  
Bill: What does it say?  
  
Otacon: It's an address.  
  
Snake: An address?  
  
Otacon: Yeah, an address. I looked it up on the computer. It's in the South of Downton-Industrial Section.  
  
Snake: Looks like I should investigate.  
  
Bill: You can handle it?  
  
Snake: Yeah, I'll be fine. No interference from the authorities. Alright, Bill?  
  
Bill: No problem. Anything you want.  
  
Otacon: Tomorrow night then?  
  
Snake: Yeah. The Bagelmeister wants a meeting, he's gonna get a meeting....with my SOCOM.  
  
The next night. Snake is about to sneak into the joint. (Hmm...joint. ^_^) Snake contacts Otacon by codec.  
  
Snake: Otacon, I'm at the sneak point. I kept you waiting didn't I? Traffic was a pain down Tully Road.  
  
Otacon: Yeah, I know.  
  
Snake: I'm in front of a warehouse. Does that sound right?  
  
Otacon: Yeah. There's a lot of those in that part of town. Proceed with caution.  
  
Meryl pops up on the screen.  
  
Meryl: Yes, do be careful hon.  
  
Snake: I will, Meryl. I will.  
  
Otacon: Just call if you need anything.  
  
Snake proceeds to enter the warehouse.  
  
Snake: Hmm...quiet. Too quiet.  
  
Snake slowly moves forward. Then he steps on a floor panel and hears a click.  
  
Snake: Uh-oh....  
  
The floor opens up in front of him. A flat panel screen comes up out of the floor. It has a bomb attached to it. The screen flickers on.  
  
Bagelmeister: Well, well, well....They sent the legendary Solid Snake after me.  
  
Snake: You must be The Bagelmeister.  
  
Bagelmeister: So you do have an IQ 180. Let's see if that brain of yours can get you out of this one. The horse is going to chase away the snake.  
  
Snake: Fucking Lunar New Year....  
  
Bagelmeister: Quiet!! Let me give you a little sit-rep. The panel you're standing on is pressure sensitive. If you strp off if it the bomb in front of you will explode. So don't try to run. I'm giving you five minutes to try and disarm it. Starting.....Now! I've got shit to do. See you later. Later....in the afterlife! HAHAHA!  
  
The screen flickers off. Snake quickly reaches for his codec.  
  
Snake: Otacon! I'm in a shitload of trouble. I need to disarm this damn thing or there won't be enough of me to sop up with a spounge! And I'm on a pressure panel so I can't move.  
  
Otacon: Dammit! I don't know anything about bomb disposal!  
  
Raiden: Do you have any coolant on you?  
  
Snake: You would think going after a mad bomber I'd have some, but I don't.  
  
Raiden: Crap!  
  
Meryl: This isn't happening!  
  
Snake: I'm sorry, Meryl, but I don't see any way out of this....  
  
Meryl: Cut the wires!  
  
Snake: Which one, Meryl? Which one? You've got to calm down. None of us knows how to disarm this thing.  
  
Meryl: But I don't wanna see you die!  
  
Snake: You're right. You don't. The countdown is almost finished. It's been great times y'all.  
  
Otacon: .......  
  
Raiden: There's got to be something we can do!  
  
Snake: There's nothing we can do.  
  
Meryl: I love you, David.  
  
Snake: I love you too, Meryl.  
  
Snake clicks off the codec. He stares at the bomb, watching the countdown. He knows that he is going to die. He knows that he will never see his loved ones again. A tear rolls down his cheek.....  
  
Snake: [sniffles] I don't wanna die....I was beginning to lead a somewhat normal life....Everything was falling into place.....I don't wanna die! I wanna live dammit!!  
  
3........2.......1...... 


	7. The Crying Game

Chapter 7: The Crying Game  
  
  
  
A bomb exploded in Snake's face. They all know that he's dead. The County Coroner's Office will probably call in the morning. At the ghetto house there is great sadness and mourning.  
  
  
  
Meryl: [crying] He's dead!! [sniffle] My David is gone! That Bagelmeister bastard took my David from me!  
  
Otacon and Raiden are doing they're best to console her.  
  
Otacon: Meryl....I...I...  
  
Meryl: [crying on Otacon's shoulder] It's not fair, Otacon! We should have gone with him. He died for us so we could make a quick $50,000.  
  
Raiden: If we did that we would've gotten blown up too.  
  
Meryl: Yeah, I know.....but there must've been something we could've done!  
  
Otacon: There was nothing we could do. You know that Meryl.  
  
Raiden: There's only one thing we can do now.  
  
Meryl: Yeah? [sniffle] What?  
  
Raiden: We're gonna catch The Bagelmeister. And then we're going to have our revenge. Vengence will be ours.  
  
Meryl: [hugs Raiden] Thank you.....Thank you both. I.....I need some time to myself.  
  
Meryl goes to her room to mourn in private.  
  
Otacon: [sigh] Maybe sum music would be good right now?  
  
Raiden: Yeah , sure.  
  
Otacon flips on the radio. "Gone Away" by the Offspring is playing.  
  
Raiden: Geeze.....It's like everyone knows already.  
  
Otacon: Yeah, I know.  
  
Raiden: I hope Meryl is okay.  
  
Otacon: She's a strong woman. I witnessed that on Shadow Moses. She'll be fine.....eventually.  
  
Shadow Moses. That's where Otacon's life changed. That's where he met Snake. Snake taught him to belive in himself and be strong. Snake always had words of wisdom. Either that or something very witty. Snake knew what he was doing. Otacon flashed back to Sniper Wolf's death.  
  
Otacon: What was she fighting for? What am I fighting for? What are YOU fighting for?  
  
Snake: If we make it through this, I'll tell you.  
  
They did make it out of there. Otacon knew he owed it to Snake to find The Bagelmeister. Raiden was also thinking back to his experiences with Snake. The Big Shell. Snake showed him the ropes. Snake showed him that people are not tools of the government. Snake was to Raiden in the Big Shell what Grey Fox was to Snake way back in Outer Heaven. He told him to think for himself. To think of the important things. He taught him what it really meant to "pass it on" to the next generation. He also taught him how to have a sense of humor in a dreary situation. Like when you don't have any clothes on.  
  
Snake: How do you walk around like that?  
  
Raiden: Snake?......[achoo!] Where's my gear?  
  
At the time it didn't seem all that humourous. But now it made Raiden grin a little.  
  
Raiden: Wait until I tell my son that I walked around Arsenal Gear with absolutly no clothes on.  
  
Otacon: Huh?  
  
Raiden: I was just thinking of my time with Snake.  
  
Otacon: Yeah, same here. He always knew his stuff didn't he?  
  
Raiden: Yup.  
  
Meanwhile Meryl was having thoughts of her own. She was remebering when she and Snake first met each other in the bathroom.  
  
Meryl: So there's something you like about me?  
  
Snake: Yeah, you've got a great butt.  
  
Bastard. But he was her bastard. She told him that he shouldn't waste his time hitting on her. The psychological therapy training she had would keep her from being attracted to men and keep focused. That all went down the drain as soon as she met him. The heroic all-knowing legend. That and she also knew that in the back of her mind that he was attracted to her.  
  
Downstairs a knock is heard at the front door.  
  
Raiden: Who could that be? Coroner here already? [answers the door] What do you wa....hmmm, it is possible to be whiter than I am. [calls upstairs] Meryl! Get down here quick!  
  
  
  
What could possibly be at the front door that would be so important that Raiden would disturb Meryl in her time of grief? And what does he mean by "whiter than I am? Find out next time. 


	8. Cream Cheese and Delo

Chapter 8: Cream Cheese and Delo  
  
  
  
What was at the door? How could it possibly be whiter than Raiden? Who's your daddy? And if things sell like hotcakes, then why don't we just make hotcakes?  
  
  
  
Otacon: Raiden whats so important that you had to yell through the whole hou....Hey Meryl! Get down here quick!  
  
Meryl: [running down stairs] What? What is it? What are you two yelling about?  
  
Meryl is astonished by what is at the front door.  
  
Meryl: David!  
  
There stands Snake, with a slight twitch in his right cheek, completely covered in cream cheese.  
  
Meryl: [hugs him despite the schmear] You're alive!  
  
Snake: [nods slightly] yeah.....I'm here. (Hmmm....holding Meryl and being covered in cream cheese. I gotta remeber that the next time I'm alone with her)  
  
Raiden: [waves his hand in front of Snake's face] Are you ok, Snake?  
  
Snake: [shakes his head] Nope.  
  
Otacon: Give him some time. He just had a traumatic experience.  
  
Snake: [nods] Yup.  
  
Meryl: Would you like us to help clean you up?  
  
Snake: [nods] Yes, please.  
  
Raiden: The hose is out front.....  
  
They all go to the front yard to squirt Snake down with some water.  
  
Otacon: [spraying Snake with water] So what the hell happened, anyhow?  
  
Snake: [slowly getting senses back] I was standing there......the countdown was about to end......thought about how I'd miss all you guys.....thing goes off in my face.....realize that it's a cream cheese bomb.  
  
Meryl: Talk about messing with one's mind.  
  
Snake: Tell me about it....  
  
Raiden: Did you find out any new information?  
  
Snake: Besides this guy is even crazier than we thought? No. There was this though. [pulls out a piece of paper]  
  
Meryl: What is that?  
  
Snake: That device printed this out after the damn thing exploded in my face.  
  
Otacon: [tosses Snake a towel] Lemme see. [takes the note] "Come and get me, suckas! I'll be waiting. " Wow.....he didn't even to bother using code. He really does want to have a showdown.  
  
Snake: Looks that way.  
  
Raiden: Where though?  
  
Snake: I don't know. I think he wants us to figure that out.  
  
Meryl: Maybe something he said ?  
  
Snake: Maybe, but I can't....don't want to think about it right now. When we go after this nut we're gonna need firepower. I know someone who might be able to help us with finding out where The Bagelmeister is and get us some boomsticks.  
  
Otacon: Who?  
  
Snake: Delo.  
  
Raiden: Who is he?  
  
Meryl: He's a crazy ass whitewashed mexican who helped us a little while back. He helped put together a hockey team to save me and Tifa Lockhart when we were hanging above the ice at the Arena.  
  
Snake: We'll stop by tomorrow. Right now I need.....sleep.  
  
Raiden: O good, for a second there I thought you were gonna say you need scissors. 61!  
  
The next day.  
  
The four arrive at Delo's place in the south side. [knock knock]  
  
Delo: Wonder who that could be. [opens door] Hey! If it ain't my favorite crackers!  
  
How are you suckas doing?  
  
Snake: Umm...we're ok.  
  
Meryl: We need help.  
  
Delo: I've heard that one before. Get challenged to another hockey game?  
  
Snake: Not to a hockey game, but we did we get challenged.  
  
Delo: I have a feeling your going to need guns. Come inside and follow me to the Contraband Room.  
  
They all head to the back of the house where Delo keeps all his fun stuff.  
  
Delo: Have a seat y'all and relax. [pulls out two humidifier boxes] Tell me what the dilio is.  
  
Otacon: There was this dude robbing banks. He was exploding cream cheese bombs after every hit.  
  
Raiden: Yeah, he calls himself The Bagelmeister. He left a whole bunch of notes. He said the yellow lights in the city make bagels rot faster.  
  
Delo: [opens humidifier box] Bagel nut. [lights Cuban cigar] Got it. Go on. Any of you want one?  
  
Snake: Are those Cubans?  
  
Delo: Only the best. Totally smooth with a hint of sweetness. Totally illegal, too!  
  
Raiden: Free Cubans? Hell, I'll take one.  
  
Meryl: I quit smoking back when I was a teenager. But what the hell....  
  
Delo: No one ever quits. They just take some time off.  
  
Snake: You used to smoke, Meryl?  
  
Meryl: It was tough back then. Had to have something to get me through it all.  
  
Delo: What about you, Otacon?  
  
Otacon: Ummm......I guess so. It's the best and I'm getting it for free.  
  
Delo: There you go man! This is to celebrate still living after all the whack shit we've been through.  
  
Delo lights them all up.  
  
Delo: [puff puff] So anyhow, go on with The Bagelmeister.  
  
Snake: After this dude looked like he was gonna do something drastic about the city lights, the local police wanted to stop this guy. So Chief Landsdowne came to me and offered us $50,000 to stop this crazy SOB.  
  
Delo: Fitty G's? Damn!  
  
Meryl: So after one of the robberies The Bagelmeister left another note. It was in code.  
  
Otacon: Which I then decoded. It was an address.  
  
Raiden: Snake inflitrated the place last night. Unfortunatly, one of the floor panels was rigged to arm a bomb.  
  
Delo: No shit? How did you disarm it?  
  
Snake: I didn't.  
  
Delo: Then how the hell are you sitting here right now smoking one of my Cubans?  
  
Snake: [blows out a cloud of smoke] The thing exploded in my face. It was a huge friggin' cream cheese bomb.  
  
Delo: Whoa......that's pretty....what's the word......fucked.  
  
Snake: Yup.  
  
Delo: So now what?  
  
Otacon: [pulls out the note] After the bomb exploded it printed out this.  
  
Delo: [takes note] "Come and get me, suckas! I'll be waiting." So you need weaponry, eh?  
  
Raiden: That and we need to figure out where he his.  
  
Meryl: He's playing a mind game with us. He wants us to figure it out.  
  
Snake: I can't think of where he might be.  
  
Delo: Well you know what they say, clearing the bong clears the head.  
  
Otacon: How do you figure?  
  
Delo: I got an 1110 on my SATs thats how.  
  
Otacon: Oh, I see.  
  
Delo: [rumages throught the closet] Lemme see here.....here it is! [pulls out a shoebox]  
  
Raiden: What the hell is in there?  
  
Delo: Take a lucky freakin' guess.  
  
Raiden: A pipe and a Big O.  
  
Delo: Yup!  
  
Otacon: Big O? Like the anime?  
  
Delo: [shakes his head and sighs] Judio....Ima gonna get you high to-day! Cuz its Fri-day, y'all got shitty jobs, and you got a bagel nut to whack! Now, we're gonna little smoking music.  
  
Delo turns on some System of a Down. Sits down. Stuffs his bowl. And takes the biggest friggin' hit you ever saw!  
  
Delo: [exhales] O yeah......Groovy!  
  
They all stare at him.  
  
Delo: Now who wants a hit off a this?  
  
Snake: Well.....I guess since I'm the one thats gotta get the clear my mind, I will. [takes a hit] Mmmmm......not bad!  
  
Delo: Sucka you gonna need more than that. Pass dat shit around!  
  
Otacon: I don't think I should.  
  
Meryl: Like I said, haven't done it stuff like this since high school, but what the hell. [takes a hit] Smooth.  
  
Raiden: They gave us PCP back during the war. I'll be able to do this ease. [inhales] unnhh.....[exhales] Nuthin' doin'. [passes to Otacon] You up for it?  
  
Otacon: I still don't know.  
  
Delo: Just think of all the bad shit that has happened in your life. Then think about how groovy this stuff is.  
  
Otacon: [thinks] Gimme that! [smokes it] whoa....[keels over]Hehehe....hey you know what. When you get all red in the face it will finally add some color to you, Raiden!  
  
Raiden: Screw you man....hehehe  
  
Snake: Gimme the pipe! I'm supposed to be the one who is supposed to be trippin'!  
  
Snake starts tripping out and flashing back.  
  
Otacon:.......He really does want to have a showdown.  
  
Snake: Looks that way.  
  
Raiden: Where though?  
  
Snake: I don't know. I think he wants us to figure that out.  
  
Meryl: Maybe something he said.....said...said......said.....  
  
Snake: Damn......let's flashback some more.  
  
Bagelmeister: ......I'm giving you five minutes to try and disarm it. Starting.....Now! I've got shit to do. Like stare at the stars. See you later. Later....in the afterlife! HAHAHA!  
  
Snake: Think! Think! What did he say  
  
Bagelmeister: I got shit to do. Like stare at the stars....stars......stars....stars.....  
  
Snake: Starrrssss....  
  
Delo: Don't be turning into Nemesis on me sucka!  
  
Snake: Stars.....stars.......That's it!  
  
Meryl: What?  
  
Snake: I know where The Bagelmeister is!  
  
Raiden: How?  
  
Otacon: Yeah [cough] How?  
  
Snake: Right when the bomb was being armed, after he taunted me, he said "I've got shit to do. Like stare at the stars."  
  
Delo: What's you point, man?  
  
Snake: He's gonna make it so the city doesn't need yellow lights anymore. That and a little bit of revenge.  
  
Otacon: .....Lick Observatory.  
  
Snake: Exactly!  
  
Raiden: Sorry, but I don't quite follow.  
  
Meryl: Bagel man is gonna take out the observatory.....  
  
Raiden: .....so there will be no reason to get yellow lights anymore.  
  
Delo: Ding Ding Ding! Tell him what he's won! Well, he's won a one night raid at James Lick Observatory!  
  
Raiden: Sounds lovely. Anything else?  
  
Delo: Yes! You also win these groovy illegal weapons!  
  
Delo opens the closet to real a whole buttload of contraband.  
  
Delo: Quien su papi?  
  
Meryl: [smiling] Bitchin'!  
  
Snake: Holy hell man! That's a lot of guns.  
  
Delo: Yes it is! This gona be fun!  
  
Raiden: So we're gonna straight up raid the place?  
  
Delo: Yes, but we have to be careful. The last thing we need is to destroy the place. Then y'all will be kissing that $50,000 good-bye.  
  
Otacon: So when we gonna do this?  
  
Delo: Tomorrow night sounds pretty good.  
  
Meryl: I can hardly wait.  
  
Delo: Neither can I. Listen, this is how we're gonna do this. We're gonna go up in the RV.  
  
Snake: An RV?  
  
Delo: Yup. I got an RV and made an armored mobile fortress out of it.  
  
Snake: Interesting.  
  
Delo: Ok, Otacon you'll be recon on top of the RV. You'll be keeping a watch on the place for anyhting suspicious while we're going in.  
  
Otacon: No problem.  
  
Delo: Raiden. You'll be taking some coolant and sweeping the roof for any explosive devices. He won't be using cream cheese this time. At least not in his bombs. I'll mark out the top structural points for you.  
  
Raiden: Got it.  
  
Delo: Snake and Meryl. You two will be going with me. Snake, you'll be going in through the front. Bagel boy won't be expecting Meryl and I, so we'll be flanking from the sides.  
  
Snake: Understood  
  
Meryl: Side flank. Sounds groovy.  
  
Delo: Ok. Now to get ready we're gonna finish smoking this stuff.  
  
All: WOO-HOO!  
  
So of course they toked a little. Some time passed.  
  
Otacon: Hey Delo, what's that big metal cross in the corner?  
  
Delo: Oh that? That was for FanimeCon 2002.  
  
Otacon: Nicholas D. Wolfwood, right?  
  
Delo: Yup! Having a five and a half foot metal cross I scored big time at that con.  
  
Otacon: Cool....  
  
Delo: Speaking of animation.....let's get really tripped out and watch SiN while we smoke! I've always wanted to do that!  
  
They watched SiN. They got tripped out beyond belief. And pretty soon they'd be kicking bagel ass. 


	9. Final Showdown

Chapter 9: Final Showdown  
  
  
  
The gang is getting all geared up. Time to toast some bagels.  
  
4:45 p.m. Delo's house.  
  
Delo: AK's.  
  
Snake: Check.  
  
Delo: Handguns.  
  
Meryl: Check:  
  
Delo: Night vision and Infared goggles.  
  
Otacon: Check.  
  
Delo: Blades and coolant.  
  
Raiden: Check.  
  
Delo: Groovy. It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Everybody into the RV.  
  
Everybody piles in and they head to the observatory. They is a slight air of nervousness. Delo tries to strike up a conversation.  
  
Delo: Hey Raiden, how's your kid?  
  
Raiden: How'd you know I had a kid?  
  
Delo: [holds up a copy of MGS2] This is how.  
  
Raiden: Oh. Well, he's fine.  
  
Delo: What did you and Rose name him?  
  
Raiden: Michael.  
  
Delo: Nice name.  
  
Snake: I didn't know Rose gave birth already.  
  
Raiden: Well she was pregnant last April and now here it is a year later. It only takes nine months, Snake.  
  
Snake: How come you didn't tell me?  
  
Raiden: You didn't ask.  
  
Snake: Touche  
  
Delo: Why'd you stay with her even after she told you how she was a spy for the Patriots?  
  
Raiden: Would not a Rose by any other name smell just as sweet?  
  
Delo: You've got a point. You're a good man, Jack.  
  
Raiden: Yeah, Yeah......  
  
Delo looks at Meryl's Desert Eagle .50 caliber Action Express.  
  
Delo: You know, they had that exact same gun at this one place up in Santa Clara.  
  
Meryl: Really?  
  
Delo: Yup. It was bomb-diggety.  
  
Meryl: How come you didn't buy it?  
  
Delo: Cuz fuckin' Gray Davis is a little bitch that's why. That bastard put so many goddamn restrictions on everything with that chingana gun bill.  
  
Meryl: That sucks.  
  
Delo: Yeah I know. It sucks like a whore on free day. But it doesn't bother me TOO much since I get most of my stuff on the black market.  
  
Delo notices it's quiet in the back.  
  
Delo: You ok back there, Otacon?  
  
Otacon: [looks up] Yeah, I'm fine.  
  
Delo: [looks in the rearview mirror] What's that you got there?  
  
Otacon: Just a reminder....  
  
Otacon looks at the picure in his hand. It is of Emma when she was young. One of the few that he has  
  
Otacon: [in thought] This is what I have to do. I have to stop bagel nuts so I can get money to stop Metal Gear nuts. Oh, how my life has gotten complicated. I'm glad you're always watching over me, Emma.  
  
The RV creeps up near the observatory. Infiltration time.  
  
Delo: Everbody out.  
  
Snake: Ready, man?  
  
Delo: Always. You got your shiznit, Otacon?  
  
Otacon: [on roof of RV] Yup.  
  
Delo: Here. [tosses up a gun] Here's a little present.  
  
Otacon: What is this for?!  
  
Delo: Just in case.  
  
Otacon: I don't wanna kill anyone!  
  
Delo: Shoot them in the leg then.  
  
Otacon: Great.....  
  
Delo: Raiden, here's the blueprints.  
  
Raiden: Red x's are the structural points, eh?  
  
Delo: Yup. The ladder access to the roof is on the backside. Meryl, you and me are doing the side flank.  
  
Meryl: Side. Ambush. Flank. You speak my language.  
  
Delo: Snake......you get to ring the doorbell.  
  
Snake: Yah for me.  
  
Snake enters the observatory.  
  
Bagelmeister: So....you figured it out.  
  
Snake: Starrrsss.....  
  
Bagelmeister: Yes. Stars. Enough of that though.......DRAW!  
  
Meanwhile.....  
  
Raiden: [sprays coolant] Friggin bagels. [hears gunfire] Damn....good thing I'm finished with the bombs.  
  
Codec Beep.  
  
Otacon: Raiden!  
  
Raiden: Yeah Otacon?  
  
Otacon: There is another bomb to go.  
  
Raiden: But Delo marked the weakest structural points.  
  
Otacon: I decided to do some tracing. Theses bombs are radio controlled. The frequency is still active. There is still one left. A big one. On the roof.  
  
Raiden: How the hell are we going to disarm it?! I can't climb a domed roof!  
  
Otacon: I'm going to shoot it out.  
  
Raiden: Huh? You're back at the RV and you have a Glock. You'd have to have super-duper mega vision to see and hit it.  
  
Otacon: Or glasses that give you magnified vision.  
  
Raiden: ....uhhh, no offense Otacon, but have you lost it?  
  
Otacon: Listen. Emma wore glasses because she wanted to be like me.  
  
Raiden. She mentioned it. Not obvious, but she mentioned it.  
  
Otacon: I wore glasses because.....well, I wanted to be a superhero.  
  
Raiden: The wanting to be a superhero part is normal, but how the hell do glasses accomplish that?  
  
Otacon: I created glasses that could enhance vision so one could be albe to see from extremem distances. I was working on a contact lens version when I got the job from ArmsTech to head the Rex project.  
  
Raiden: Wow.....that's frickin awesome. So, you can take out the device on the roof?  
  
Otacon: Yeah.  
  
He takes a deep breath. Zooms in with his glasses.  
  
Otacon: Just like Time Crisis, Hal.  
  
Total silence. Then the air is shatterd by the sound of a gunshot. Sparks fly from the roof.  
  
Otacon: Boo-yah! Hail to the king, baby!  
  
Raiden: Nice shot, Otacon!  
  
Otacon: Thanks. But enough congratulations. You gotta go help the others with that psycho inside.  
  
Back inside.....  
  
Snake: Nyah! [dodges bullets]  
  
Bagelmeister: C'mon Snake you can do better than that!  
  
Delo & Meryl: BLITZKRIEG!  
  
Delo and Meryl shoot off a sheet of bullets. But The Bagelmeister blacks them all.  
  
Bagelmeister: Ha! Nothing can penetrate my Bagel Shield!  
  
Meryl: Dammit!  
  
Bagelmeister: Feel the wrath of my Bagel Bite Shooter! [fires at Meryl]  
  
Everything moves in slo-mo.  
  
Delo: NOOOOOO!  
  
Delo jumps in front of Meryl and stops the Bagel Bites with his mouth. They both go flying behind a control panel.  
  
Meryl: Oh, Delo. You took three Bagel Bites for me.  
  
Delo: It was nuthin. In fact it was pretty tasty. [fires off some shots]  
  
Snake: [behind another control panel] If you two are finished, we need to figure out something. We're out of ammo!  
  
Bagelmeister: The time has come! Time to make my ultimate sacrifice to the bagle gods!  
  
Bagelmeister kneels in the middle of the observatory. Radio control for the bombs in hand.  
  
Bagelmeister: Live bagels live! [pushes button] Huh?! Work dammit work! What the hell happened?!  
  
Raiden: I happened!  
  
Bagelmeister: What the.......  
  
Raiden comes flying in from the roof with blade drawn. He impales The Bagelmeister through the back and out the chest.  
  
Raiden: DIE! [pulls out his blade]  
  
The Bagelmeister falls dead in a puddle of blood. Everyone stares in shock.  
  
Delo: Damn! Youse a crazy ass cracka!  
  
Raiden: [breathing heavily] It....It's over.  
  
They all go over to inspect the body.  
  
Snake: Hmm....$50,000. And the observatory is intact.  
  
Meryl: Geeze.....what a friggin loon.  
  
Raiden: C'mon lets get out of here.  
  
They all start walking out but then they hear a noise and turn around.  
  
Bagelmeister: DIIIIIE!  
  
He points an MP5-K at them. Then suddenly shots ring out and his chest explodes in a huge spray of red. The four of them turn to the entrance of the observatory to see Otacon. He is shaking, still shooting even though the Glock is empty. Click. Click. Click.  
  
Otacon: [stops clicking and drops the gun] O dear Lord......what did I just do?  
  
Delo: Chill, Judio, chill.  
  
Meryl: It's ok Otacon. He was about to put a magazine of bullets in our backs. It's alright.  
  
Otacon: [closes his eyes and nods] S'ok.....S'ok. We got fifty G's now?  
  
Snake: Yes Otacon. We go get our money.  
  
Otacon: Good.  
  
A couple of days later at Delo's house in the Contraband Room....  
  
Delo: Man this has got to be the craziest shit I have ever been through in my life! [chugs some Alize] Y'all gotta stop hanging around me. It's hazardous to my health.  
  
Raiden: Yeah, I hear ya. This was pretty insane.  
  
Snake: [puffs a Cuban] I'm just glad it's over.  
  
Meryl: Ditto.  
  
Otacon: After this we gotta get back to the Philanthropy stuff.  
  
Snake: Yeah I know.  
  
Raiden: Thanks again for helping, Delo.  
  
Delo: No problem.  
  
Meryl: That's twice I owe you my life.  
  
Delo: Yeah....well.....just remember it when I need something. [thinks] Hmm...actually, there is something I want to ask you.  
  
Meryl: What is it?  
  
Delo: If y'all so poor and ghetto, then how do you afford Cable TV?  
  
Meryl: Black Box.  
  
Delo: Ohhhh.........I should get one of those........who wants to get tripped out?!  
  
Otacon: I don't think I'm ever gonna be the same after this.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There you go. The Sons of Bagels! Pretty friggin insane, eh? A/N: Chingana is Spanish for "fucking". Now you can talk smack in Spanish too. Hmm....so Otacon's vision is just fine. How about that. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this. Please review it. E-mail address is BlackDelo@aol.com 


End file.
